We danced around one another for months. And we eventually, almost reluctantly, made love in his apartment some months ago. We were friends and neither of us wanted to spoil that friendship. 'Are you sure? Are you certain?', he'd ask, as if frightened making love would spoil our relationship. I was kind of infatuated with him. I still am. His is a fierce, fierce intelligence and he's the possessor of a wit and charm that's hard to keep up with. So far, he's the one and only lover I've had in SL, and our relationship's based on more than cyber. We're irregular sex partners but sometimes circumstances and time throw us into one another's arms once more, and there's tender moments to be shared. When we do encounter one another online, he's involved in some scheme, and I'm involved with this blog, so the idea of being 'unfaithful' doesn't arise. Are we partners? Sexually, from time to time, yes, but our SL's are more than hopping on poseballs. I like him a lot, maybe just a little bit in love with the concept of him (since I don't know the RL him). It would be nice if more RL guys (and more SL guys) were like him.
Until recently, I'd never discussed his 'past' in SL, but I mentioned that I was wishing to 'up' the flickrstream pics and make them of a sexual nature, and asked if he'd got any pics from his 'past', kind of assuming I wasn't his first SL lover.
And then we discussed his past. And I felt a little....I don't know....sad that he had one. It's the strangest thing. I don't know him in RL, we are unlikely to meet in RL, but 'the concept' of him made me think of him one way, and he's -previously- been fairly sexually active (like most SL guys, I guess).
Me: What was your first time like?
Him: Crap. The girl in question turned out to be a kind of psycho. The sex wasn't great, despite her claiming to have had plenty of practice, and as soon as she'd done, because I'd divulged some real life stuff, she pounced on it and turned psycho. It put me right off cyber for a long time.
Me: Have you ever talked to her since?
Him: Ha! No. Nor would I wish to. She was seriously wired.
Me: So what brought you back to cyber?
Him: I'd no intentions of ever doing so again, but I was at a club with a girl, dancing away, and one thing led to another, as they say. And she was just lovely. We're still friends. She was open and joyful and always happy in SL. It was infectious.
Me: Were you in love with her?
Him: I'm never going to partner anyone, and I don't get emotionally involved much. So no, not in love. But she emoted well and it was erotic.
Me: You were aroused in RL?
Him: Oh yes.
Me: What about her?
Him: She claimed to be. I've no reason to doubt it, since she'd mix up the SL situation with RL situations and fantasies and talk about them at length and become turned on by what she was saying and doing. I suspect she is a woman who never expects to fulfil certain things in RL, and SL was opening up her hidden passions.
Me: So why did it end?
Him: We stopped making love in SL, stopped cybering, more or less because my RL situation changed in accordance to RL work, and my SL times changed. We're in different timezones, so I never see her online. We IM from time to time.
Me: Now I'm jealous.
Him: No need.
Me: And after that?
Him: I went mad, cyber-wise. It wasn't pretty, in all honesty. I'd log in and bed someone, it was as simple as that, and I found that, apparently, I emote well and women like what I do and what I say. Whether or not I do....
Me: I'd say you do.
Him: ....so anyway, I became a bit of a slut. But I found that I was able to retain friendships with most of my lovers and I'd go to bed with one every now and again, even though there wasn't a relationship with me, as such, and sometimes they were in one, or partnered to someone else. They'd maybe cyber with me if their partner wasn't online because I, apparently, did it better.
Me: Any regrets?
Him: Lots. There are real people at the end of the keyboard, so I'd always be fearful of coming over as heartless, just like my first lover was to me. I'd never want to hurt anyone.
Me: And then we met.
Him: Yeah. I connected mentally with you. Weren't we seeing each other online every night for months without it ever being sexual?
Me: True. And you were the first guy who I thought 'I'd like to cyber with him'.
Him: I'm flattered, of course, but I valued and value our friendship. We're strangers at two keyboards, but we've common interests, so we get on well. Our relationship's more than bumping pixels.
Me: Have you ever felt you might lose your heart when cybering?
Him: No, it's a writing exercise in the moment. Do you fear that?
Me: I used to. But I know where we are with cybering. It would be hard to think of cybering with anyone else.
Him: There's always someone else. If circumstances permitted, more RL people would probably be with someone else. SL allows that. You can have affairs all over the place if you know the other person is offline. Even though you might live with someone in SL, in your own apartment, you can still hop into bed with someone else.
Me: Did you do that?
Him: Yes. It was actually quite exciting to be having sex with someone else's partner, in their apartment, thinking that their SL partner could log in at any moment.
Me: Ever get caught?
Him: No.
Me: I feel a little odd feeling of jealousy learning of your cyber past. It's weird.
Him: You asked. I don't intend to hurt you. Maybe we should stop.
Me: LOL. I want to and I don't want to. Does that make any sense?
Him: Yes. It does. Let's stop for now.
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