A note to designers

I've already received some 'samples' of people's work. While some clothes fit the bill as regards having some sort of erotic/sexual allure, and I'm happy to wear, review and advertise them via this blog, others -such as a pair of jeans- do not fit the general ethos of this blog, so I can't really do them justice. Sorry. I'm grateful for your interest, but I honestly can't simply review a lot of clothes. Lingerie's going to fit right in, a ball gown probably doesn't.

The same applies to skin and hair. Yes, the odd one might cut the mustard, but in essence I'm happy to continue wearing the skin I'm wearing, and the hair I'm wearing, for the duration of this blog and my SL. Pubic hair, underarm hair and so on will be gratefully received for review.

I'm not a freeloader. I'm more than happy to receive demo versions of your products if you wish, on the proviso that I can edit the word 'demo' out of the photographs I'm more than happy to do that. If you wish to offer items on no copy/modify/transfer basis, or make whatever adjustments you wish for me to return them after blogging them, that's fine too. Cocks and pussies from certain sims need to be road tested, lol, so the likes of Jimmy or Ringo need to receive cocks for review, rather than me :)

I'm rather more interested in reviewing 'equipment' (be those sex parts or sex beds) and interested in simply being pointed at sims that fit with the erotic/sexual nature of this blog. And yes, I'll accept a pass (even temporary) to those sims in order to review them.

I make a clear distinction between RL and SL. While BDSM doesn't remotely interest me, even as a concept, I'm prepared to visit and try out certain sims.

Scattergun thoughts

OK. Time to take stock after a frantic week's reinvention and rejigging of my second life.

I remember that the Amity Island sim didn't 'sell' freebies (clothes, skins etc) to avatars under 14 days old. Maybe this rule still applies. I'm warming to the idea that new born men don't qualify for even a freebie cock for 14 days, maybe even longer. I honestly believe that many male users of SL need to develop their conversational skills, and not see SL as a gateway to nothing more than cyber.

We've been told, for years, that girls outstrip boys in education, and that females are more articulate. This certainly appears to be the case in SL. This isn't an observation based on just last week's evidence, but over the course of the past year. If I'm dependent upon an 'articulate male' (oxymoronical, surely?) to pitch up and woo me, I'm beginning to think that my SL virginity is safe for some time to come, LOL. Men just don't appear to have much sense of verbal skills.

Of course, this may be something to do with the sims I'm inhabiting. I'm coming to the impression that certain sex orientated sims encourage the emotionally and sexually stunted, and maybe the psychologically damaged. For all of Linden Labs adult rules, it's clear that many 'adult male' users are either teenage boys or worryingly inarticulate. The minds of teenage boys trapped in the bodies of adult males. Scary. Just how did so many of them manage to reach the age of maturity while being so stupid? OK, it's a virtual world, but if they replicate their actions, behavioural and social skills in RL as they do in SL, then I'd be afraid for them to be allowed out without the presence of a responsible adult.

My profile...LOL...appears to be scaring guys off. What used to be a constant parade of 'Hi!' IMs, followed up by that classic of conversation, 'what'cha doin?' (I'm sat at a keyboard connected to the internet in RL, and in the same sim as you in SL, so you can see what I'm doing, you moron!) has suddenly stopped. Hmmm....it looks like there's more profile readers in SL than I previously imagined.

This is really rather interesting. While the two-syllable grunts that pass for conversation appear to be fine when confined to IM, there's a marked change when the threat/promise to discuss my SL sex life openly on a blog becomes an issue. Suddenly, it seems like the machismo has been emasculated.

The profile, however, must read as it does. It's not about entrapment. It's the opportunity for guys to read and respond as they see fit. If their conversational and cyber skills are as good as they imagine, what's to fear? Maybe the freebie cock Jimmy modelled for us in an earlier post, the one named 'how guys see their own cock', is an allegory for their entire second lives. That priapic flagpole is smbolic of how they view the entirety of their SL, but -just as they boast about their RL appendage, 'Oh, I'm just the average nine inches, baybee', while looking at a shrivelled acorn of a penis in the mirror- their boasts to be 'great cyber lovers' are possibly uniformly empty. The idea that their textual intercourse will be openly discussed on an internet blog seems to be cooling their ardour.

And, of course, that leads back to some of the issues I discussed with Eleanor Maven in an earlier post. Much of SL is sexually orientated, but it's women who have the control inworld. They're the ones (in the main) doing the designing and running successful businesses. They're the ones (in the main) selling clothes. These are issues to which I shall return, again and again, in this blog. It would appear that, for many guys, the purpose is to get virtually laid as often as possible, while women's expectations of SL are markedly different.

So far, the only sims I've seen where men and women's expectations dovetail better are naturist ones. Stripped of their clothes, and often lacking poseballs, the emphasis turns to dance and conversation. The conversation flows, often in local chat, and is simply a series of laugh out loud moments. I'm not naive enough to imagine cyber is not occurring between users, but from what I've observed, people are discussing their real lives, and real experiences, with SL existing as a social networking tool, and the chance to unwind after the rigours of RL work.

Me? I'm off to experience prostitution next, and report back on my observations.

The Library of Erotica

There are a lot of aspiring erotic writers out there in SL, and the Library of Erotica has got a meeting/sharing place at their own sim, where you can buy (free) examples of the writers' work.

I'm not going to even attempt to review any of it, or infer it's of 'varying quality'. It's, more accurately, of 'various erotic themes', and I can only judge the work from a personal perspective, that is, some have more appeal to me than others. Which is why I'm not going to single anyone out. If the quality varies, it's only because certain themes have more personal appeal to me than others. Your tastes in erotic writing may differ substantially from mine and you may disagree wholly with my choices. The danger is that 'everyone's a critic', and I'm not going to do that. I can merely admire the effort put in by the people involved, and the manner in which they have done something positive and creative with their time, as opposed to passively watching television. It's impossible to say it's 'bad writing', merely 'not to my taste' in some instances.

The library also appears to run a monthly short story competition, with a L$5000 first prize, so if you're an aspiring erotic writer, why not submit an entry?

Why don't I? LOL, I've read last month's prizewinners, and my writing isn't in that league, baby! But, you never know...it might be an interesting exercise to participate in the competition, at the very least. If I'm going to be using this blog to address issues of eroticism and sexuality in SL, then I should really walk the walk, right?

The 1st prize winner and runner-up stories are available to grab as notecards at the TP point, and I thoroughly recommend that you grab, and read, both. Utterly compelling reads!

Also available is the group's own magazine, Darkest Desires, now up to Issue 4, also available as a notecard.

And I really did enjoy the experience of being a hooker, waiting for a client, under a lamp post, at the TP point, lol. (see photo). I'm guessing that the pose is just a bit of fun, rather than an exhortation to 'escort' within the sim.

What's exciting about this sim is the fact that there's a collision between RL and SL, the RL creations being brought directly into SL, and that it exists as a two-way thing for its group members or visitors. It should also be essential viewing for newbs (and even seasoned SL campaigners) whose idea of eroticism is a poseball, missionary position sex that looks like they're suffering from severe spinal damage, and textual intercourse confined to phrases like 'oh, yeah, baybee...so hawt!'

Come to the cabaret, old chum...

You know, 'erotic' comes in many different guises. I keep referring back to Tiny's lingerie because that vintage glamour has so much more to offer than the concept of a piece of dental floss stuck between the cheeks of my bottom and called a 'tanga' or 'thong'. Oh, don't get me wrong, there are sims where that thong is is ideal beach wear, but it's an entirely different sexuality, and realistically not 'erotic'.

So I spend a lot of time bouncing around the grid in search of glamour that just oozes implied sexuality, something that has what I regard as the very essence of 'erotic'.

And so I found 1920s Berlin Project (1920s Weimar Republic Germany) sim. The essence of that period, before and just as the Nazis were coming into power, is wonderfully captured in the film Cabaret (was there ever a finer Liza Minnelli performance?)

The sim requests period costume, and helpfully offers freebie outfits for you to get into character. As well as this there is a shop where further vintage outfits are available at reasonable prices. I've not yet availed of those, as I'm not sure yet how often I wish to re-visit the sim (quite simply because I have other sims to explore, such is the nature of this blog), but if I were to be looking for something glamorous, and slightly decadent, without there being an overt sexuality, this would certainly be the type of sim I'd be landmarking.

Having been in Berlin (more recently than the 1920s, lol!) I must say that there's a nice capturing of the general architectural ambience of Berlin, particularly the former East Berlin, with the cobbled streets and greenery near the Unter den Linden (literally, Under the Linden Trees). There's some fabulous period advertising on the walls, and at the tp entry point you can even buy mp3s of period music.

Finally, I found 'Der Kellar' (The Cellar), the sim's dance hall, complete with period music and the opportunity to join a troupe of dancing girls like the Ziegfield Follies. I also liked the orchestra pit, something I've never seen in SL previously. The sim was quiet when I visited, but I get the impression that it is minor RP (i.e people innocently dressing and speaking 'in character') which could be a lot of fun if there were a few people around. It just has enough of a sense of glamour, with sexposes absent, to create electricity between avatars. Exceptionally well done, and I'll get back there at a time when I imagine (European evening times?) when I imagine there'll be more of a crowd.

The volume of posts will now slow a little

After an initial rush of posts, in which the basics of SL were explained for the uninitiated, the volume of posts will slow down just a little now.

The interview with Eleanor Maven was pretty much conducted over a 48 hour period, and the nature of it meant time spent out of world, rather than inworld. I think the end result justified it, though. Between us, we raised some interesting questions, although I'm not sure we found a definitive answer to some of SL's sexual issues, but these are matters to which I plan to return, again and again.

If the blog goes quiet for a day or two, don't panic, I'm not losing interest already, LOL. It just appears that in order to grab the central, important matters of SL sexuality, almost as much time needs to be spent out of world, researching and writing, as it does inworld.

'I don't do SL sex'

I DON'T DO SL SEX. Je ne fais pas de sexe SL. Ich tue SL Geschlecht nicht. Não faço o sexo SL, Я не делаю секса SL. No hago el sexo SL. Ik doe het geen geslacht van SL. Δεν κάνω το φύλο SL. Non faccio il sesso di SL. 私はSLの性をしない. 나는 SL 성을 하지 않는다 لا أفعل م الجنس. Expectations of sex will result in instant muting.

I read profiles, because they often tell me a lot about a person I've not yet spoken to, or have just begun a conversation with. And I find the '1st Life' box to be as vital as the '2nd Life' one. It would be exceptionally rare for me to carry on an elongated conversation with someone 1000 days old whose 2nd Life and 1st Life profile boxes remain blank (and even more unlikely if he -usually he- is wearing the beefcake look and sporting newb hair after 1000 days).

So, while researching some naturist sims for the purpose of this blog, and exploring the eroticism or sexuality therein, I chanced upon Wild Coast member Eleanor Maven, whose profile is replicated, in full, in italics, above. I just had to talk to her, and she was more than happy to give me some of her time.

We spoke for a little while via IM, more or less for the purpose of establishing my bona fides, and yesterday evening we continued the conversation, backwards and forwards via email, for about an hour. The following is an edited transcript, re-tooled to read as an 'interview' and is published with Eleanor's permission (she has read this full blog post prior to its publication).

Emma : That's a unique profile, if you don't mind me saying so.

Eleanor : Possibly. I'd be aware there are others in SL who adopt the same general view, although not quite in the way I've decided to do it.

Emma: And in so many languages too!

Eleanor : It's important to make your views as widely known as possible. I've no idea if the grammar is correct, but hopefully the message is clear enough.

Emma : Why did you choose to adopt that profile? Has it always been there from the start?

Eleanor : No. Eleanor is my alt. My first or main avatar, who is now sort of semi-permanently retired, conducted her SL like many other people would. I'm a RL naturist, so I gravitated to the naturist sims in SL right from the start, and made a lot of friends. Genuine people, a lot of them. But there were persistent offers or maybe even demands or expectations of cybersex, and that wasn't part of my agenda at all. Eventually the thing became too oppressive so I killed off the first avatar, in a manner of speaking, to reinvent as Eleanor, with a blank slate for a friends list, and conduct my SL just a little more cautiously with a view to who I selected as friends, or the situations I got into with them. I think that the fact that your avatar is naked in a nudist sim makes many people imagine that it's a statement of availability, which is wrong in SL as much as it might be in RL. My first avatar was as non-cyber as I am, and had fenced off the idea of cyber, but despite the non-sexual nature of her, guys still persisted. So I discontinued the first avatar.

Emma : Did you kill her off? Account wise, I mean?

Eleanor : No. She runs my credit card, LOL. Rather than re-register all the bank details and account details again, I've kept her as the avatar who runs Eleanor's cash fund, and I can log her in occasionally to transfer cash to Eleanor's account if I see a particularly pretty dress I want. But other than that, she pretty much is discontinued.

Emma : Was there a single incident that forced the change in avatar?

Eleanor : Yes. A long-standing friend, who I trusted completely, offered an inworld massage. I thought nothing of it, and we continued chatting about ordinary stuff while the massage continued onscreen. Then all of a sudden the cyber chat began, and I was freaked out by it. I just logged out, kind of disappointed that an old friend should, after maybe a year of chatting, should suddenly get horny. I stayed logged out of SL for weeks afterwards, freaked, but missed playing it, LOL, so I reinvented myself as Eleanor. There were one or two friends on my original list that were notified of the change of name.

Emma : You could just have muted.

Eleanor : Probably, but it was just shocking to me at the time, and I didn't know what to do. I imagined my feelings towards cyber were well-known, that I didn't need to explain this stuff to an old friend. And we're always told that there are people with feelings at the other end of the computer. Maybe I'm too soft, but I thought that it would hurt the guy's feelings. I'd do it differently if I had to do it again.

Emma : Why are you so opposed to cyber?

Eleanor : I'm married. When the first avatar was operating, she pretty much edged towards trying cyber, but fortunately one of my friends was a bit of an SL philosopher, who questioned the entire process and it got me thinking. And while I was having fun with him and cyber would probably have been the next step, the conversations became deeper and I began to question cyber's value or point. Ultimately, I came to regard it as virtual adultery. We know there are stories in the real world of people divorcing partners because they caught them cybering in SL. I kind of value my marriage a little more than to watch it fail because two cartoons are f***ing in a game. So I'm grateful to the friend who challenged me on the entire process, and that I didn't partake of it.

Emma : You think that married people in SL should have a different set of values to single people?

Eleanor : Yes. But I imagine I'm pretty rare in that respect.

Emma : How do you see cyber, as a general concept?

Eleanor : There's a thrill to it for men, I guess. I do imagine that many use it as a masturbation tool, and that your sexy words are merely aids to achieve RL orgasm. I do think many guys are actually masturbating during the process, which seems very tacky and sordid. I reckon many men aren't feeling fulfilled, or sexually satisfied in RL, their marriages have become a humdrum experience and that SL allows them to undertake all the little fantasies in SL that they could never possibly do in RL. The same applies for women, of course. But generally, the need would be for males to achieve sexual relief.

Emma : Your first alt got into more of these situations, perhaps?

Eleanor : Yeah. Pure naivety about where to go, and the motivations of men inworld, put my first avatar into stranger situations. So I'd end up TPing into BDSM sims, simply in search of maybe a free bikini, LOL, and then end up in positions where I had to TP out quickly or mute or log out. In fact, that still happens. I'll see someone blogging about a nice freebie this or that, and go there to immediately find myself being leered at or chatted up by someone who has almost reflexively assumed that, because I'm at that sim, I'm going to hop on a poseball.

Emma : Would you say that your profile has had any impact on your SL?

Eleanor : Undoubtedly. It's quite obvious sometimes that a guy comes up and stops near me. There's obviously a profile reading taking place, then he walks away. The profile has instantly put him off. I don't mind. If the guy is so shallow that he approaches an avatar who has no plans for cyber, and walks away, it pretty much determines the shallow nature of whoever is at the keyboard, whose sole motivation is cyber. I can live without him in my friends listing.

Emma : Would you consider yourself to be a feminist?

Eleanor : Brilliant question, LOL! I didn't, initially, but now I would definitely say that I take a feminist approach to SL. It's entirely valid. I read History at university, and we often talked of Marxist or Feminist readings of History, where historians approached the topic with personal baggage -although baggage has negative associations, often. So yes, I approach SL with that view now. I take, sometimes, a Marxist reading of the whole SL economy, and find it wanting quite often, and as regards the sexual element of SL, I would definitely take a feminist view now. But that feminism isn't merely a case of me saying no to poseballs. There's a whole thesis waiting to be written here about how SL can also empower women and put them in control. If I wanted to reinvent myself as a prostitute, or escort, as we amusingly call them in SL, then if I'm taking a few hundred dollars off a guy every time I cyber, who exactly is in control? If I could get laid, often, to the point where I have the biggest, flashiest house in SL, and the best wardrobe, just because a few guys in SL are jerking off in RL to the words I type, then who, exactly, would be in control? It's a question I'd love to be able to see written about or answered. By the way, I think your blog has immense and far-reaching potential, because no one seems to talk about this stuff, and it's core to SL. I think it's a very brave and exciting prospect to write about this stuff. I wish you well with it.

Emma : Thank you. And thank you for talking to me about your experiences.

Research, research...

My first dilemma. I've been exploring SL's allegedly 'sexy' places, and set down at the SDI Orgy Theater, part of the Skinny Dip Inn sim. Interesting. Very, very much a case of 'in your face' sex, and nothing remotely erotic about the streamed blue movie being shown. There are lots of people milling around, treating the place like the meat market it almost certainly is, and within thirty seconds of sitting down to watch the movie (and scenery), I got the following exchange. The dilemma was to have been 'do I name the guy, or not?', but as I've said I intend to write about sex and sexuality in a brutally honest way, I see no reason why I shouldn't name the people involved. However, it has been pointed out that revealing the contents of IMs contravenes Linden Labs TOS, so F******** S******, born 11/29/2007 (911 days old at the time of our 'encounter') and I had the following conversation.

-- Instant message logging enabled --

[11:09] FS: hi

[11:09] Emmanuelle Warden: hello

[11:09] FS: whant sex

[11:09] Emmanuelle Warden: yes. but probably not with you

[11:10] FS: why?

[11:10] FS: not like

[11:10] Emmanuelle Warden: i don't think 'want sex?' is the most romantic approach, do you?

[11:10] Second Life: User not online - message will be stored and delivered later.

I need to explore whether the revelation of IMs does, indeed, contravene LL's TOS. In the meantime, luckily for him, the name of this smooth talking bastard has to remain anonymous, LOL.